Truck reads: "In case of accident, do not come to this area for 25 years" www.sciencecartoonsplus.com

• Any chemical law or theory obeyed by cerium is wrong.
• If your test results look good, your material balances are bad.
• If you have “nailed” a cerium process, it won’t work with the new plant feed.
• If it will only work with cerous, it’s ceric and all other corollaries.
• If a project is going well, it is time to develop new analytical procedures.
• High cerium yields cannot be repeated.
• Cerium reacts best in pH probes, flow meters, motor valves, scrubber ducts, etc.
• The successful completion of a cerium pilot plant marks the demise of the project.
• When you are about to figure out what cerium is doing, you are pulled off the project.
• The only person that might understand the results is the person you can’t reach.
• If all else fails, “It didn’t happen on my shift.”

Cabin Fever
Every so often, a lab citizen can be struck with what is commonly referred to as cabin fever. This condition often leads to a display of bizarre behavior by the afflicted individual. Of course, it is well known that these temporary bouts of lunacy are exacerbated by many things such as malfunctioning fume hoods, looming meetings, and gloves that cut off blood circulation. But the origin of this dangerous yet entertaining behavior is almost invariably linked to sensitization to the lab environment, usually as a result of excessive experimentation. Although the laboratory strain of cabin fever is not necessarily contagious, exposure can be dangerous. For this reason, we have endeavored to provide you with some warning signs that may portend a possible breakdown. According to our guidelines, it is advisable to vacate the lab if you notice that your lab mate

• Spends the morning penciling in her name for all 365 days on the sign-up calendar by the HPLC.
• Extends the use of yellow Post-It notes to delineate new territory in the lab.
• Cradles a stir-bar while quietly muttering, “They’ll never get you my dear, you’re my special one, my one and only, and they can never take you away from me.”
• Takes his coffee break underneath his desk.
• Roots around the garbage sobbing, “No, no! Come back!”
• Sits in front of the computer for days, endlessly changing the background color on his slides.
• Requires sunglasses if the curtains are open in the lab.
• Starts an elbow fight with you because you are pipetting on her side of the lab.
• Autoclaves your briefcase when you don’t strictly adhere to the schedule on the sign-up sheet.
• Scrawls the words “Lab Police” in magic marker on the back of his lab coat and starts using the butt of his pipetter as a tool for law enforcement.