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THE KILLER SHREWS

RACHEL SHEREMETA PEPLING, C&EN WASHINGTON

poster Sometimes a movie is so awful it’s great. “The Killer Shrews” is one of those classic films. There’s science, death, romance, and suspense. And it’s all terrible.

A classic “good science gone bad” horror flick, “The Killer Shrews” stars James Best (a.k.a., “Dukes of Hazard” Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltraine) as strapping hero Thorne Sherman, along with Ingrid Goude (a 1956 Miss World contestant) as the beautiful daughter-in-distress of Dr. Milo Craigis, an aging scientist played by Baruch Lumet.

Dr. Craigis and his research team are trying to find a solution to the world’s overpopulation problem by conducting privately funded experiments on an isolated island. Dr. Craigis explains to Thorne (who was bringing supplies to the island and is now stuck there due to a hurricane) that smaller mammals have high metabolisms and short life spans. His theory is that if people were half the size while maintaining a low metabolism, they could live twice as long on current natural resources. A lot of shrew crossbreeding happens with some success, but, naturally, a dangerous mutant appears.

These mutants just happen to inherit all the negative characteristics of their breed, Sorex soricidae: razor sharp fangs, a huge appetite, poisonous saliva—genetic modification at its best. Plus, they’re enormous but have retained the metabolic rate of their smaller family members. They eat three times their body weight every 24 hours, which could pose a problem if they escape. And of course they escape.

Quick biology lesson: Sorex soricidae is not a real shrew species. The nonmutant shrew shown in the film is actually Sorex araneus, the Eurasian shrew. Surprisingly, what is real is that a few species, such as Blarina brevicauda, actually do have poisonous saliva.

The killer shrews make their appearance about 20 minutes into the movie. The titular animals make the film’s low budget painfully obvious—they are really just collies in shrew-drag consisting of fake fangs and bad toupees. In the words of Dr. Craigis, “Any unusual experiment can produce unusual results.”

Shrews slowly pick off people one by one, and eventually start to dig their way through the adobe walls of Dr. Craigis’ house. A suspenseful escape scene ensues, love conquers all, and the shrews are left to starve.

Take a cue from “Mystery Science Theater 3000”—this movie is not for intelligent discussion of the science, dialogue, cinematography, or, ahem, special effects; it’s for making fun of all these things. “Killer Shrews” is perfect for a late-night homage to the drive-in horror flick.